"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
