I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
