he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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