apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
