it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize