At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
