T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my being single is dangerous.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
