I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
