I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize