would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
