I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
