soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
