Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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