the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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