i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
