I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
