Where is the hickey?
ugly people sure do ruin things
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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