So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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