The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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