Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
