I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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