Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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