If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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