Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
