So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
