She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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