Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
