I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
