wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
