I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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