I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize