This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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