new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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