I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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