I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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