Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
