Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
ttyl tear gas
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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