you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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