I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
