Swine flu. Run for my life!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
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