I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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