he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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