Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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