So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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