Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
