Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
