i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I am available for nakedness
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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