What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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