forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
