with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
