Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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