I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
