Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Is it penis luge time yet?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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