Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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