I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
