just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
