Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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