Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i dont even know how to be here
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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