i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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