She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
