you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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