he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
