Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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