my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
