I'm really into asian looking animals
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
