Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
